Passionate About Central New York
and the Moms Who Live Here

Why We Are “One and Done”

How many times, perhaps even immediately after giving birth, have you and your partner been asked, “When are you having another kid?”

Maybe it was at 2 a.m. (kinda blurry) in your hospital room, and the overnight resident was in to check on you. They decided it was a great time, less than 24 hours after giving birth, to discuss birth control methods and what type of birth you could have the next time around.

You had probably only slept a total of 3 hours over the last 24 hours. The absolute last thing in the entire world that you want to consider is how you will give birth to your next child. Or perhaps you were like me and spent over 24 hours in labor, pumped full of Pitocin, had your epidural drugs taken away from you and pushed for three hours only to end up with a c-section. Yup, you’ll definitely want to think about your next birth right then and there … not!Kate B

I am guessing that even when you were pregnant, you were asked how many children you were going to have. I always said that our plan was to have our children one at a time and then re-assess after each.

People thought that I was whacky.

Why does society need to know how many children a couple will have? Why is it important that there is more than one child in a family? I don’t care how many children people choose to have. It’s their decision, and their life.

Why Are We One and Done?

After I gave birth, my lupus fired back up in full swing. It was actually even worse than pre-pregnancy. I spent the first few years of my son’s life feeling very ill, and some days I didn’t know if I could move through our house or sit up to play with him on the floor. I needed to get back on certain medications that a woman absolutely cannot take while pregnant, or while trying to become pregnant, and I needed to be on them indefinitely until I had recovered from this long flare.

And then when my son was eight months old he was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disorder – PFAPA – which causes periodic high fevers (up to 105) for five days every single month. These fevers continue today.

So, folks, we are one and done. Do we want to start over with my recovery after another birth? NO! Do we want to risk another genetically prone baby who might suffer like our son does? NO!

It doesn’t matter even if you don’t have medical issues that stand in your way – it’s your choice and your right to only have one child! There is nothing wrong with having one child (or as many as you want), nor is it anyone’s business other than yours and your partners.

How many kids do you have?
What are the joys at each number?

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4 Responses to Why We Are “One and Done”

  1. Paige March 4, 2016 at 1:51 pm #

    I agree that it is your right and own business to have as many or only 1 child if that your decision. When it has something to do with health issues, even more personal. But i do have to mention this, I grew up as an only child. All my friends thought i was so lucky, being the only one and getting basically alot more than they did because of numerous siblings. I lost both of my parents (at different times) and I have to tell you being a only child during and after both losses was one of the hardest things. I still feel alone even though do have cousins that I grew up with. But its not the same, they have sisters &/or brothers & cousins. If I had one wish growing up, it would have been to have a sibling to share with. I had the best parents, but when I lost them, I felt I had no one. I am married now and have 3 children of my own. I think giving your children siblings is the best gift a parent can give their children.

    • Kate Bryant
      Kate Bryant March 4, 2016 at 2:06 pm #

      Paige – thank you so much for sharing and reading. I can see exactly what you are saying about feeling connected to family by having a sibling, especially after a major loss of your parents. I am sorry to hear about that. Giving siblings to children is a lovely gift. I agree. It’s a personal decision for each and every family to make. Thanks for following and sharing!

  2. Kelly March 4, 2016 at 2:19 pm #

    My husband and I always talked about having 2 kids. We are both very close to our siblings. We now have 1 son and 1 daughter and feel very complete! I love seeing the relationship between my kids. I hope they’re always best friends! However, I never question someone who chooses to have more than 2, one and done or none at all!

    • Kate Bryant
      Kate Bryant March 4, 2016 at 2:23 pm #

      Thanks for sharing Kelly! I totally agree. I love to see how my nieces and nephews interact with each other (the siblings), and my husband and I both have siblings. It is a wonderful thing, kids, no kids, tons of kids!

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