How many times, perhaps even immediately after giving birth, have you and your partner been asked, “When are you having another kid?”
Maybe it was at 2 a.m. (kinda blurry) in your hospital room, and the overnight resident was in to check on you. They decided it was a great time, less than 24 hours after giving birth, to discuss birth control methods and what type of birth you could have the next time around.
You had probably only slept a total of 3 hours over the last 24 hours. The absolute last thing in the entire world that you want to consider is how you will give birth to your next child. Or perhaps you were like me and spent over 24 hours in labor, pumped full of Pitocin, had your epidural drugs taken away from you and pushed for three hours only to end up with a c-section. Yup, you’ll definitely want to think about your next birth right then and there … not!
I am guessing that even when you were pregnant, you were asked how many children you were going to have. I always said that our plan was to have our children one at a time and then re-assess after each.
People thought that I was whacky.
Why does society need to know how many children a couple will have? Why is it important that there is more than one child in a family? I don’t care how many children people choose to have. It’s their decision, and their life.
Why Are We One and Done?
After I gave birth, my lupus fired back up in full swing. It was actually even worse than pre-pregnancy. I spent the first few years of my son’s life feeling very ill, and some days I didn’t know if I could move through our house or sit up to play with him on the floor. I needed to get back on certain medications that a woman absolutely cannot take while pregnant, or while trying to become pregnant, and I needed to be on them indefinitely until I had recovered from this long flare.
And then when my son was eight months old he was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disorder – PFAPA – which causes periodic high fevers (up to 105) for five days every single month. These fevers continue today.
So, folks, we are one and done. Do we want to start over with my recovery after another birth? NO! Do we want to risk another genetically prone baby who might suffer like our son does? NO!
It doesn’t matter even if you don’t have medical issues that stand in your way – it’s your choice and your right to only have one child! There is nothing wrong with having one child (or as many as you want), nor is it anyone’s business other than yours and your partners.