Passionate About Central New York
and the Moms Who Live Here

Invisible Mommy

Change the baby’s diaper, wipe their butt, do a load of laundry, does he see you? Does he see you?

Feed the baby, burp the baby, rock the baby, bathe the baby, put them to bed… does he see you? Does he see you?

Feed your kid, potty train them, buy all their clothes, make dinner, do the dishes, does he see you? Does he see you?

invisiblemommy1All you do is try, try, try, try and try… and it seems like you and your husband or partner have lost touch with each other. Did you even realize that you are drifting like ships in the night? Do you feel alone? You love each other, and you are each other’s best friends. There is nothing “wrong” in this marriage. Everyone is faithful, and everyone still talks to each other (for the 60 minutes we fit in at night before everyone passes out), and loves each other.

Let’s not forget to make sure we have sex. Let’s face it – sometimes it is an effort to consciously think about having sex. After all the diapers, poop, pee, training, yelling, crying, running, jumping, feeding and bathing… it’s been a long day.

As mothers, we often feel invisible and underappreciated. We spend whole days and nights focusing on one thing – our children. We forget to shower, we forget deodorant, we forget to brush our teeth. Although we are never ever alone after we have children, we feel more alone than we ever have at times.

Statistically, 2.8 out of 1000 marriages ends in divorce. Post-partum depression and motherhood depression beyond infancy are real. We need support. So let’s look for that moment… the one when you realize that there hasn’t ever been one moment where you weren’t appreciated. He did see you.

invisiblemommy2That moment in your kitchen when you are stopped by a hug, and told to stop moving and listen to a special song. At first we don’t want to stop all the fuss to listen, all we can think about is finishing the tasks and moving on to the next one. But that moment when you can hear his heart beating more quickly when he pulls you close and makes you stop and take that moment to listen to Lee Brice’s A Woman Like You, you remember him and you. You remember you are both in it together. And you are both just as close as you ever were, maybe you don’t always find the time to show each other, but in your minds you are still there together just as you always were!

What can we do to keep that feeling?

1- Help each other out. That moment when you are stopped by that hug and told to stop what you are doing and take a breather. Do it! Absolutely do it! You need it and you are being seen! Seen for the hard worker that you are, and all the time that you spend with your children. You are being given accommodation. Take it.

2- Not getting that moment where you are being accommodated? Ask for it, demand it and take it. You need it. Even if it’s just an hour to shower, and clean up. Demand it.

3- Stop being the invisible mommy. Be something other than mommy. Find something else in your life to give you back some definition. Maybe it’s going back to work, your career, or if you are a SAHM, find a hobby or craft, or set up a special night with your girlfriends. Find something to connect to again other than just your family and children.

4- Your children were additions to you and your partner’s life, not the other way around. Don’t forget what you had before, and who you both were together before. Find something you always did together pre-children and do it again. It’s important.

5- And don’t forget – your partner married or chose YOU. As Lee Brice says, “I’d take a gold band on my hand over being a single man, cause honestly I don’t know what I’d do if I’d never met a woman like you.”

You better believe that ladies!

What are special things that you and your partner do together that keep your relationship alive?


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