Advice on teenagers. Shyeah. I had my doubts about a post like this. I’m no expert. But sometimes, the following rules work pretty well. Most of the time. Well, part of the time. Eh. Anyways…
8 Rules for Living with Teenagers:
- Do not try to engage your teenage son in conversation before the bus. He will only answer you in grunts. And you probably won’t understand him. Your husband might, though.
- Do not be anywhere near the bathroom when your teenage daughter is in there. She’ll spend an hour washing her face, brushing her teeth, flossing, putting on concealer and blush and lip gloss. And maybe some of your mascara. Then she’ll take it all off and start over again. Rolling her eyes all the time. Nobody can be near the bathroom when she does this. Especially you, mom.
- Forget about your teenage son’s hair. He’s either spending too much time on his hair or not spending any time on it. I don’t know which is worse. If you try to touch it, while he’s eating breakfast, to get that one area of his head to lay flat, he will duck and swipe at your hand. It is awkward and embarrassing and you will both look stupid if anyone happens to see you through the windows while walking their dog in the morning.
- When your teenage daughter asks you to help her put in earrings 12 seconds before the bus comes, do not panic. Do not tsk, tsk or scream things like, “You should’ve done this 20 minutes ago.” It will not help the situation. It will only make things worse and you don’t want worse.
- When the kids come home from school, do not ask them how their day was. Let them slam the door, drop their backpacks and pull out their books. Ignore them. Save yourself. Because they’re just going to roll their eyes at you anyway.
- Ask them how much homework they have. Every. Day. It will remind them that they have homework to do and that you know they have homework to do. They’ll be annoyed, but eff that. They’re in school. It’s their job.
- Try to sit down together for dinner. Even if it’s for five minutes. If nobody talks, it’s OK. But if everybody talks, it’s great. If everybody fights? Blame the researchers who tell you sitting down together at dinner is good for your kids. And think of it this way, maybe you’re clearing the air, maybe they’ll get all the hormonal moodiness out of their system. But I doubt it.